I just had to share this one. You see, I think I stumbled upon what some might call purgetory today. My cd/radio player and only entertainment while I scan has developed a few quirks. It won't play cd's. I can't adjust the volume. I can't change radio stations. I can't turn it off (except by taking out the batteries.) It just wants to play KVET (a country station). I don't know why I find this so amusing, but I do.
I can't help but wonder if perhaps it is possessed by Satan. Or maybe I just dropped it one too many times and it's angry. :) Regardless, I think I'll bring something a tad bit harder to drop to work Monday. In the meantime, does anyone know if one can still sell demonically influenced items on e-bay?
Okay so maybe I'm not going to planet Wellington. I bleeped them my application to move there and got back a response that they'd be more than happy to have me. Then I went to the mandatory classes in common sense that I so do not need but they are forcing me to take anyways because they are mean. Instructor Being says that he's heard of Wellington. Apearently it's a tourist trap. No, really. It's literally a trap. Beings go to visit or live there and then the planet itself which isn't really a planet but a highly intelligent, carnivorous, crafty, voracious living being which only *looks* like a planet slowly devours them. Instructor Being says it's been closed down, but unwary beings keep going there anyways.
I guess I shouldn't go then. I mean, it sounds like I'd be devoured alive even before I was finished unpacking. But there is just one thing that haunts me, one question I *have* to know the answer to:
Do you really think they have yifish there?
Once I have enough ivons and silly little skills to get out of the Telibus 19 work exchange program, I want to leave the galaxy!!! I want to go to a different galaxy, one far, far away. Maybe I'll go to the New Zooliend galaxy. Somewhere in it is planet Wellington. I should go there.
No one has to work in planet Wellington. Ever. There are no annoying housemates there and everyone has all the yifish they want. Tentacle erotica is easy to come by and it doesn't matter if you've only had three chrysalis's- everyone respects you anyway. There are no moon related natural disasters and no Umarish showtunes. Everyone just floats around freely and the landscape is crawling with gibits and giboo.
And all the beings who were mean to me now will miss me once I get there!!! And they'll be very, very sorry they chased me away. And I'll be too efiligy in planet Wellington to ever bother to bleep anyone so I won't miss anyone!!!!
Life will be on big intergalactic celebration once I get to planet Wellington. I wonder what their immigration policy is.
Providing free telepathic removal of Umarish Showtunes from workers brains does *NOT* make up playing the infernal racket in the first place.
Okay so maybe a few important documents got shredded. And maybe, just maybe, I was the one who did the shredding via a perfectly innocuous looking macropapertearer. But is that any reason to force me to attend common sense training!?!? Yep, you read that right- Evil Overlord, in cahoots with Hobsd, is *forcing* me to attend training classes on developing common sense!!!!!!!! Like I need those. Oh, I could pull out my scales one by one just thinking about it.
And then I bleeped W.W. and told her about the injustice and then she does this really long pause. You know, the type of pause that is never good news when you really need someone to agree with you. And then she's all like, "Well maybe that's not such a bad idea. You did once put giboo in the macrocooker without depressurizing it first." Go ahead, W.W.- hold that against me. Like I need lessons on food preparation from someone who eats their food dehydrated and not alive and squirming as nature intended. And just because she *chose* to clean the dried internal organs off of the ceiling does *not* mean she gets to be all glarfing and keep bringing it up. Personally, I think dried giboo parts improved the look of the kitchen.
But she was right about one thing: There is no organization called Workers Hurriedly Against Asinine Assignments. Leader Being says that the name changed and it's now called Workers Heroically Against Absurdican Abuse. Like it matters; the initials stay the same. And she says *I'm* petty.
So I just wanted to remind everyone that my life sucks and nobody cares enough to float in and magically fix it for me. And the infernal Umarish showtunes are creeping into my brains.
Macropapertearers do *not* help with filing. Also, teleporters only work as an escape method if they're plugged in. W.W. is *not* a reasonable being as she won't break the intergalactic laws to ship my yifish. She's also not very smart as she doesn't even know about the Workers Hurriedly Against Asinine Assignments volunteer protest group I joined. Can you believe she tried to tell me it doesn't exist?!? Geez. Like the apparel they gave me to wear with the organization initials on it doesn't exist either.
Geez! As if everything else isn't enough I just found out that I have to send some of the ivons I make home to Absurdican Seven. It seems that even though I'm not living there, my stuff is there so I still have to pay rent. W.W. (who is very mean) says that I have enough stuff there that it needs it's own room since I never through anything away. They want me to clean my room here too BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. MY ROOM ISN'T MESSY; IT'S CLUTTERED. I *hate* life on Telibus 19. The only good thing is they are releasing another yifish and I *have* to collect it. I wonder if there's a way to convince one of my housemates back home to ship it to me. Anyone got any ideas?
Well I went with the group of Quinfieanions to protest the horrible, tedious, miserable existence I must endure on Telibus 19. They said the name of their group which protests the intelligent beings beings forced to work here is Workers Hurriedly Against Asinine Assignments. They gave me a big sign to hold while I floated around. They made the sign for me so that the first letter of each word glowed brightly. I couldn't see the rest of the letters but that was only because they used a special ink that is only visable to species with more than two brains. Since that's most of the beings in the area I was in, that seemed like an okay idea. The awful thing is I had to teleport a lot and now I have hives on my tentacles. Then their teleporter broke down and I was stuck out all night long. But I suppose that wasn't their fault. It really sucked though cause their bleeper broke down to so they couldn't bleep me to let me know about the change of plans. They say that if the workers were more effiligy, then perhaps they would have better equipment.
They assure me that I'm making a difference even though it feels like I'm not. While I was out there, beings kept pointing their tentacles at me and laughing, but Leader Being said not to worry about that, because this is his native planet and that pointing and laughing is a common way for beings to show support around here. No matter how much I travel, it's always hard to get used to different cultures. They want me to keep volunteering with them and I probably will but right now, I have to get back to work.