|Friday, October 26th, 2007|
|I know its been a very long time since I posted, but---
I just had to share this one. You see, I think I stumbled upon what some might call purgetory today. My cd/radio player and only entertainment while I scan has developed a few quirks. It won't play cd's. I can't adjust the volume. I can't change radio stations. I can't turn it off (except by taking out the batteries.) It just wants to play KVET (a country station). I don't know why I find this so amusing, but I do.
I can't help but wonder if perhaps it is possessed by Satan. Or maybe I just dropped it one too many times and it's angry. :) Regardless, I think I'll bring something a tad bit harder to drop to work Monday. In the meantime, does anyone know if one can still sell demonically influenced items on e-bay?
|Friday, November 18th, 2005|
Okay, I got this from shineluckypenny:http://mothergooserocks.com/headandshoulders.html
I'm not sure what planet/galaxy this is from or even precisely what it's talking about (knees? toes?), but it looked at lot like a Umarish showtune and since I have to suffer, I wanted everyone else to suffer too. Extra points on anyone who does know what planet this is from. Current Mood: Befuzzeled
|Thursday, October 20th, 2005|
|Okay so maybe not
Okay so maybe I'm not going to planet Wellington. I bleeped them my application to move there and got back a response that they'd be more than happy to have me. Then I went to the mandatory classes in common sense that I so do not need but they are forcing me to take anyways because they are mean. Instructor Being says that he's heard of Wellington. Apearently it's a tourist trap. No, really. It's literally a trap. Beings go to visit or live there and then the planet itself which isn't really a planet but a highly intelligent, carnivorous, crafty, voracious living being which only *looks* like a planet slowly devours them. Instructor Being says it's been closed down, but unwary beings keep going there anyways.
I guess I shouldn't go then. I mean, it sounds like I'd be devoured alive even before I was finished unpacking. But there is just one thing that haunts me, one question I *have* to know the answer to:
Do you really think they have yifish there? Current Mood: quasi-moorish
|Wednesday, October 19th, 2005|
|I Want Out Of Here!!!!
Once I have enough ivons and silly little skills to get out of the Telibus 19 work exchange program, I want to leave the galaxy!!! I want to go to a different galaxy, one far, far away. Maybe I'll go to the New Zooliend galaxy. Somewhere in it is planet Wellington. I should go there.
No one has to work in planet Wellington. Ever. There are no annoying housemates there and everyone has all the yifish they want. Tentacle erotica is easy to come by and it doesn't matter if you've only had three chrysalis's- everyone respects you anyway. There are no moon related natural disasters and no Umarish showtunes. Everyone just floats around freely and the landscape is crawling with gibits and giboo.
And all the beings who were mean to me now will miss me once I get there!!! And they'll be very, very sorry they chased me away. And I'll be too efiligy in planet Wellington to ever bother to bleep anyone so I won't miss anyone!!!!
Life will be on big intergalactic celebration once I get to planet Wellington. I wonder what their immigration policy is. Current Mood: jimiliey
|Monday, October 10th, 2005|
|And they say *I* don't see the obvious
Providing free telepathic removal of Umarish Showtunes from workers brains does *NOT* make up playing the infernal racket in the first place. Current Mood: Glarfing
|Friday, October 7th, 2005|
|Yet more unfairness!!!!
Okay so maybe a few important documents got shredded. And maybe, just maybe, I was the one who did the shredding via a perfectly innocuous looking macropapertearer. But is that any reason to force me to attend common sense training!?!? Yep, you read that right- Evil Overlord, in cahoots with Hobsd, is *forcing* me to attend training classes on developing common sense!!!!!!!! Like I need those. Oh, I could pull out my scales one by one just thinking about it.
And then I bleeped W.W. and told her about the injustice and then she does this really long pause. You know, the type of pause that is never good news when you really need someone to agree with you. And then she's all like, "Well maybe that's not such a bad idea. You did once put giboo in the macrocooker without depressurizing it first." Go ahead, W.W.- hold that against me. Like I need lessons on food preparation from someone who eats their food dehydrated and not alive and squirming as nature intended. And just because she *chose* to clean the dried internal organs off of the ceiling does *not* mean she gets to be all glarfing and keep bringing it up. Personally, I think dried giboo parts improved the look of the kitchen.
But she was right about one thing: There is no organization called Workers Hurriedly Against Asinine Assignments. Leader Being says that the name changed and it's now called Workers Heroically Against Absurdican Abuse. Like it matters; the initials stay the same. And she says *I'm* petty. Current Mood: Uber-glarfing
|Thursday, October 6th, 2005|
|Wednesday, October 5th, 2005|
|Note to self:
Macropapertearers do *not* help with filing. Also, teleporters only work as an escape method if they're plugged in. W.W. is *not* a reasonable being as she won't break the intergalactic laws to ship my yifish. She's also not very smart as she doesn't even know about the Workers Hurriedly Against Asinine Assignments volunteer protest group I joined. Can you believe she tried to tell me it doesn't exist?!? Geez. Like the apparel they gave me to wear with the organization initials on it doesn't exist either. Current Mood: operious
|Tuesday, October 4th, 2005|
|I have to pay rent too now?!?!?!?!?!?
Geez! As if everything else isn't enough I just found out that I have to send some of the ivons I make home to Absurdican Seven. It seems that even though I'm not living there, my stuff is there so I still have to pay rent. W.W. (who is very mean) says that I have enough stuff there that it needs it's own room since I never through anything away. They want me to clean my room here too BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. MY ROOM ISN'T MESSY; IT'S CLUTTERED. I *hate* life on Telibus 19. The only good thing is they are releasing another yifish and I *have* to collect it. I wonder if there's a way to convince one of my housemates back home to ship it to me. Anyone got any ideas? Current Mood: Glarfing
|Monday, October 3rd, 2005|
Well I went with the group of Quinfieanions to protest the horrible, tedious, miserable existence I must endure on Telibus 19. They said the name of their group which protests the intelligent beings beings forced to work here is Workers Hurriedly Against Asinine Assignments. They gave me a big sign to hold while I floated around. They made the sign for me so that the first letter of each word glowed brightly. I couldn't see the rest of the letters but that was only because they used a special ink that is only visable to species with more than two brains. Since that's most of the beings in the area I was in, that seemed like an okay idea. The awful thing is I had to teleport a lot and now I have hives on my tentacles. Then their teleporter broke down and I was stuck out all night long. But I suppose that wasn't their fault. It really sucked though cause their bleeper broke down to so they couldn't bleep me to let me know about the change of plans. They say that if the workers were more effiligy, then perhaps they would have better equipment.
They assure me that I'm making a difference even though it feels like I'm not. While I was out there, beings kept pointing their tentacles at me and laughing, but Leader Being said not to worry about that, because this is his native planet and that pointing and laughing is a common way for beings to show support around here. No matter how much I travel, it's always hard to get used to different cultures. They want me to keep volunteering with them and I probably will but right now, I have to get back to work. Current Mood: uberveorin
|Friday, September 30th, 2005|
I just floated into a group of Quinfieanions. Their highly intelligent, four-brained creatures. One of them, whom I'll just call Leader Being for now, said that they run a rights group for Telibus 13 workers. He said that they've read my live journal and find it very insightful and clever and that they have been waiting a long time to meet me. They want me to float out tonight to protest having to work. They said not to worry about the details; they'll tell me exactaly what to do. I'm so eillifagy! Maybe this will work and I won't have to anymore! Then I can go back to Absurdicon Seven with my yifish! I can't wait!!!! Current Mood: Uber eillifagy
|Thursday, September 29th, 2005|
|Okay, so it's yummy but----
Evil Overlord brought in Hobsd to cook for us. Hobsd makes the *best* gibits- soaked in the tastiest mifulcriss sauce and warm but still squirming so their alive while you eat them. He even made us some giboo for desert. Lunch break has never been so tasty. I'm glad Evil Overlord believes good food will make us work faster, but IT STILL DOESN'T MAKE UP FOR THE UMARISH SHOW TUNES! I don't care how good of a cook he is- I still hope both of them get run over by feral wvitinisen!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: quasi-glarfing
|Wednesday, September 28th, 2005|
I just wanted to thank everyone who filled out my first poll (yes, I plan on making more). Especially those who have enough taste to know that white is boring. For all of you who don't have carpet where you come form, I just want to type that you are probably highly intelligent beings for a race advanced enough to know that carpet is stupid and pointless. That being said, the heartless, cruel being here still expect me to pay good ivons for it. The good news is that it turns out that while everything from said carpet to the Mispharioun tar-gum dispenser is insured. Sadly, they unfairly determined the cause of the disaster to be an act of stupidity. As such, the unfair, greedy insurance company only covers ninety-five percent of the disaster. The only good thing is that along with the mind-invading Umarish show tunes, we're also being given Co'mevalate to drink because studies also show that Co'mevalate makes beings work better. Does anyone know of a study showing that long vacations improve work performances? Current Mood: Hyperdrivish
|Tuesday, September 27th, 2005|
|But it still wasn't my fault!!!!
Well I just got assigned to my new work team. They said they put me somewhere where I can't cause any harm. So now I'm spending most of my days in a padded room doing some arcane, primitive task called filing. To make matters worse, the being in charge of my team (I'll refer to him as Evil Overlord) has three brains!!! And he thinks he's better than me cause I only have two brains!!! And he's in lege with Hobsd! And the walls are this horrid shade of blackish-brown because they say that no one here can be trusted with white!!!! This is so unfair. And just when I thought nothing could be worse, I find out that the Evil Overlord plays Umarish show tunes for his workers because "studies show that it improves the work capacity of lifeforms such as yourselves." Wow. So now I know that the desire to claw out one's own ears makes one work faster. What did I ever do to deserve this? Current Mood: Glarfing
|Monday, September 26th, 2005|
What color of carpet looks better anyways?
Plain, old, dull white
Interestingly brownish speckled with possible yellowish-green spots
Carpet? What's that? We don't have that on my planet.
I almost succeeded on teaching myself how to use the Mispharioun goobfuel generator. Except what I thought was a Mispharioun goobfuel generator was actually a Mispharioun tar-gum .dispenser And what I thought was it warming up was actually it overheating so that it exploded, spewing large amounts of tar-gum EVERYWHERE. And by everywhere, I mean it got into the life support ventilation system, which sent it eight rooms away into the hapless white fluffy carpet. Actually the carpet isn't white or fluffy anymore. Instead it's kind of brown and sticky. I was trying to get the tar-gum out so I poured Co'mevalate, what I think was club soda (not my idea) and tentacle lube which I got from an on line cleanup kit. The bad new is that none of that got the tar-gum out. The good news is it *almost* dyed the rest of the carpet the same shade. I think it's an improvement but is the head enforcer of labor on this planet grateful? Oh on. Instead he had to get all glarfing and assign me to an even ickier area. And Hobsd was all there being unsympathetic too. And I'm like, "Who puts fluffy white carpet eight rooms away from a tar-gum dispenser anyways?" And he's all "Someone who isn't aware of the existence of you." He's soooo mean. *Sigh*. How was I supposed to know that the red flashing lights and loud siren-like noise meant that something had gone horribly wrong with the machine it was overheating? Current Mood: glurish
|Friday, September 23rd, 2005|
I'm tired of not having my yifish. I'm tired of being stuck on Telibus 19 doing manual labor. So you know what? I'm going to try something I've never tried before. I'm going to do something about it! I think maybe if I sneak into where they keep the Mispharioun goobfuel generators are and teach myself how to use them, then even Hobsd won't be able to say I don't have a useful skill. I could take a training course on how to work the machines but that sounds like it consumes more time than a umiviaon timemire. Surely those contraptions can't be too hard to operate if an one-brained organism can do it! Current Mood: Vilruu
|Thursday, September 22nd, 2005|
|More BAD news about Yifish
It turns out that as long as I'm on Telibus 19 I won't be getting my yifish! Those horrid beings are afraid that my precious, precious yifish might get lose and take over their silly, stupid little planet. Like that wouldn't be an improvement! Can you imagine an entire world filled with yifish? Wouldn't that be sooo eillifagy? It makes my tentacles tingle just thinking about it. Current Mood: Glarfing
|Wednesday, September 21st, 2005|
|I miss my yifish!!!!
I really do. I tried to get them sent to Telibus 19 but they never came. In my agony and desperation, I finally found someone to complain to. Alas, it was Horrid, one-brained slave driver, the same one as before. I'll call him Hobsd so as not to have to waste anymore key strokes than necessary on him. Well I find Hobsd after floating around frantically and the conversation goes something like this:
Me: "My yifish haven't come in."
"No! You don't understand! I'm light-years away from them!" I cried.
"Excellent!" He repeated himself like an old, broken holovoice module. "Now you are away from the corporate,time-sucker which has turned you into the dull, dreamless void of a sentient being that whines before me. Now, perhaps you can take full advantage of our free training courses in useful skills so we can get you off of manual labor and doing something more productive." And he says this all so effiligy, as if I'm *not* supposed to be insulted.
And I'm all like, "On what planet is collecting Yifish a waste of time?"
And he (oh can you believe the nerve) replies, "On one with intelligent life." And then he tried to direct me to some stupid training center. Can you imagine!?!?
Well I don't have time to be learning some stupid skills when I can be devising ways to get my yifish back! Oh how I miss them!!! Current Mood: uberugiewilish